It all started when I was just a little kid. A sense that I was not alone in this world I was roaming in. But I couldn’t see the person I should be strolling with. Her face was one that I had not met. So I stumbled about, trying to force her presence in the moment and that just made her further yet. I did too many things that made me feel more disconnected from her legacy and it made it seem like the whole universe was testing me. I turned over every rock and dusted every nook and cranny just to see if she was there. Of course the more I looked the more I stared at nothings glare. I hadn’t learned the lesson plan and I left my trapper keeper in my locker buried under all the stacks of poems and papers of what everyone else told me it should be.
I started to believe that I’d never have her hold my hand or run her fingers on my neck. That I would always have the feeling that she was there but couldn’t touch her, smell her, taste her, know her. And this was the idea that had the most persistence. Holding this fit inducing notion that I was merely imagining here presence the whole time. But my soul felt like it was missing an intricate part of its existence. That it would always be lacking a vital piece until she could cease to be hidden. It was as if when we split from source we had a rift of sorts and so became divided the soul that was originally the whole. At times I felt lost in a world that was uncomprehending, and focused so much on creating a happy ending.. To put it all in to a perspective that made it clear and transparent, but with out her touch it seemed that would never be apparent. Through the many years of searching, I would catch glimpses of what I thought she would look like. But the people I encountered never filled the void inside.
Through the struggles of trying to find her I learned perseverance. Through time, I grew more patient. It became very clear since realizing it didn’t matter how long it took to find her, I just knew that I would and that moment would be worth the universes eternity of moments before it. No matter how you score it these moments will play out in perfect performance. I had to lose love many times, I had to gain wonderful friendships and feel and see all my mistakes as mere reflections. A cocktail of heartache and happiness, confidence and doubt, strength and weakness was what I was mixing all about.
When our lips first pressed will be endlessly cherished as the moment my other half was finally shown. When her smell trickled into my nose, it was so familiar and comforting like it had always been known, since before time was time. When her taste first flirted across my gums it was like one that I’ve had since I was too young to remember , it was as if I was tasting a part of myself, the best, most sensuous and glorious part. When I held my flesh pressed against hers it was as if my best parts were suddenly together, as though I couldn’t tell where my being ended and hers began. When I stared into her eyes, it was as if I was staring into my own soul. I now yearn to be back in her embrace, to stare at the face that completes me, to feel her soft caress against my skin every waking moment I’m in. I always knew that it would be instantaneous, that is, when I met her we would both know it. I never imagined that I would have to truly work to stop thinking of her every conscious second. I have found love of the greatest kind. I am truly blessed by her presence, in the highest sense of the word. I am grateful. I am one.
